Reply to Ex-Boyfriend wants to get back together

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Ex-Boyfriend wants to get back together "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex-boyfriend and I broke up after 1.5 years together 3 months ago. We had a really good relationship and life seemed perfect, but I ended the relationship after he voiced that he wasn’t sure he wanted kids anymore. We had multiple discussions and I decided that it was best to end it instead of investing more time in a relationship if we didn’t align on major issues. I want kids and I didn’t want resentment to build on either side. Kids are a 100% all in commitment.

Recently my ex came to me and wants to reconcile. He does want kids and wants to be back together and to resume our plans to marry and have a family. I love him and thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m so hesitant because I’m afraid he might change his mind again. It’s much easier to break off a relationship than a marriage.

I love him and want to be back with him, but I can’t get over my fear of his mind changing. It’s been so incredibly difficult to move on from him, and I don’t know what to do. Any advice? [/quote]
DON’T DO IT.

You know full well he’s giving in on kids not because he wants them, but because he wants you. The problem with that is that even the most gung ho parent in the world who has wanted to be a parent all their life will still find many aspects of parenting to be frustrating and really tough. Someone who became a parent only on the pain of losing his relationship will have MAJOR recriminations when he’s in his eighth month of little sleep. The odds of him resenting his kids are high,  but the odds of him resenting you are 100%. It’ll be even harder because that’s when you’ll need him most to be in the trenches with you are very, very high. Remember that men aren’t bathed in nine months worth of bonding hormones. Reluctant dads can be cold blooded as hell.

Anyway, you’re going into this with your eyes open. You know he didn’t change his mind in three months. He’s capitulating and that’s a recipe for disaster where a decision as life changing and permanent as kids is concerned. Don’t make this kind of bed for you and your future kids.[/quote]

This is good advice.  One of my biggest regrets as a woman is that I let relationships go on far too long that were not going anywhere.  I now believe that at least by the 1 year point if the man is not talking about having kids, getting engaged etc it is time to move on.  I let too many relationships drift for years and they went nowhere.

I suspect he got out in the dating pool and realized you were a pretty good catch.  At 33 years old, there are a lot of single women with kids and divorced women with kids looking for men.  He probably figured belatedly if he got back with you at least he would be raising his own kids and not raising someone else's kids.

I'm not a big believer in "take backs."  Certainly in the workforce it almost never works.

I'd recommend a couple of professional counseling sessions for you.

If you decide to see him again I'd tell him you are not jumping back into a relationship with him. Tell him you are dating other men casually and tell him if he asks you out and you are available then you will see how it goes.

That said, my niece ended up marrying her former boyfriend after they broke up.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics