Reply to Does your spouse use you as an excuse not to deal with his family?

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[quote=Anonymous]

NP here.  I get it, OP.  There are some things DH blames me for, and I let him.  DH has an abusive family he has never dealt with.  Most of them have untreated depression.  They want me to go on vacation with them - no way!  Not anyone's idea of a vacation, for sure.

I agree that therapy is in order.  We are in VA.  I swear they license anyone here.  We have tried a bunch of people that just shrug their shoulders.  We finally tried someone in D.C.  The first person we tried made him realize he did not live a perfect childhood, no one did.  Ideally, the whole birth family would be in therapy together.  It is sad to see them in their old ways when they are together.  Frankly, I am not interested in being around it.

It has indeed come to my attention that the kids should not see their father treated this way by his family, nor should he scapegoat me.  It is extremely difficult to deal with a cold, insular, closed clan like this.  They leave you few options, I know. I don't buy into their BS, in fact I avoid them.  You would think they would have gotten the hint by now.

You are not alone.  Sorry to hear.  I wish I had more advice for you.  We are still working on it.  I say it will get easier when MIL is gone, but who knows.  It likely will be like a bandaid, but not effective.  It is hard to find the right kind of help for our DHs because we are used to taking to rap for their abuse, sadly.  Their families suck.  If they would only admit it.

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