Reply to Does your spouse use you as an excuse not to deal with his family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with 11:59. You're rationalizing his disrespectful treatment of you because he's made it too difficult & painful to challenge it. That's what it amounts to, no matter how you try to explain it away.

Sorry, OP, I've been through this before where I was in your position. In my experience, tolerating dysfunction is a mistake. It only leads to more dysfunction, never less. It's in your best interests to stop tolerating this behavior.

And, by the way, I'm a child of a massively dysfunctional family - NPD & SPD abounds - and I would not put anyone in the position in which your husband has put you, nor would I (again) tolerate being put in this position. Being the child of a dysfunctional family is not an excuse to treat people poorly. Ever.[/quote]

Not to highjack but what did you find helpful in moving toward healthier behavior? NP here. I had a similar family and am now divorcing an ex who was far more unstable than I realized. Ex's treatment of the kids is also shocking at times. Sounds like you are in a really good place re: boundaries and relationships, I'd appreciate any advice you may have.[/quote]

NP, sorry about your situation with your ex. What helped me get to where I am today has just been a lot of hard work. Therapy, research, journaling - whatever it takes. Besides a very good therapist, two things have been particularly helpful: (1) emotionally detaching from my dysfunctional family, and (2) developing an understanding of what dysfunctions underlie certain patterns of behavior. Once you can make those connections, then you can start to understand how to interact with that person in a way that will minimize conflict & problems. Hope this helps.[/quote]

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