Reply to Does your spouse use you as an excuse not to deal with his family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you think you're helping him by allowing this, but I think that you're just enabling the emotional abuse and manipulation to continue. [/quote]
+1

Even if it is better than when you saw them all the time it is still not healthy. I did something similar and it really came back to bite me. Ex had a midlife crisis (people who don't do the work with this kind of background are more likely I've learned) and he started acting similarly toward the kids after the divorce, also much more like his family of origen. I would never have believed it was a possiblilty. Sleeping dogs don't always stay that way, in his case the stress of a layoff and an anniversary year of some bad childhood stuff pulled the fig leaf of "really different" right off. Now my kids are having to navigate stuff that I had allowed him to avoid and it's getting worse. I hope you never hear that your ILs have been recast as "warm and loving" and you are now "a shitty parent". Stuff that isn't worked out directly gets worked out other ways. 
[/quote]

OP checking in again. This post made me think because he actually during the course of our relationship every now and then becomes delusional and sees them as loving and warm and he goes into denial about everything he hated about them. When I just bring up things he has said because I am confused he gives me the shit he should have given them. He only goes through the delusional phase every few years though and within a few days he snaps back and admits it wasn't fair to get angry with me for restating what he said in the past. My fear is he will fall apart when any of them become very ill and/or pass away, but maybe that will also push him to work through the past.

The thing is-you can't make someone work through this stuff. I went that route with him. Now I just accept it is what it is and focus on the good parts of our relationship.[/quote]

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