Reply to Trying to teach my son to be respectful is possibly ruining my relationship with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve seen that it can help all kids (but I think especially those with possible ASD or ADHD) for you to actually just say the words you think they should say in a tone of voice that indicates you want them to repeat it.  “Try again” means it’s possible for them to fail again and “speak kindly” is open to interpretation, so it’s helpful to just be conpletely explicit.  I’ve been trying it and it seems to result in less frustration anger from my 7yo son when I do.  I also try to reduce correcting in public unless it’s super necessary.  It’s embarrassing and often if I wait until later and bring it up privately he’s receptive to hearing why something he said was rude - this obviously only works for minor infractions. [/quote]

This is so helpful thanks. But also the point of my post because I feel like he’s just getting more and more mad at me. “Sammy, say ‘I can’t play right now, I’m reading’ (instead of GO AWAY). I worry I’m nagging the heck out of him but my goodness![/quote]

I agree with the pp and will add it’s still a little different then this op - you drop all the “Sammy say” or “Sammy try again” you just repeat calmly in the tone. So for example brother says Sammy please play with me and you hear Sammy say “go away” you just say out load in a calm voice. “Larlo I can’t play with you right now, I’m reading”

For my kids (one with adhd so I’m with you) it is a bit magical at times. They will just repeat it in the kinder way without me even asking. Sometimes they don’t but it’s like they get it through the osmosis of hearing it and it’s less like a correction and more coaching in the background.

I do it a lot in how they talk to me - “mom!! Milk!!” I start walking towards the milk while saying “mom can I please have some milk” 9 times out of 10 they repeat that or something similar back. If they don’t it’s not like a hey I need to hear that before I get the milk! So it isn’t a power struggle. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I’d the rudeness is so blatant or a pattern I will definitely say hey not ok try again but that strategy works to not have that have to be constant [/quote]

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