Reply to How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?

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Reply to "How to navigate care for aging parent(s) when siblings live elsewhere?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You say “I had to move into their home.”
No, actually, you didn’t HAVE to. You chose to do that.

There are all kinds of older people who don’t even have children who have refused to leave their homes and refused to have in person care. Those people typically muddle along until some accident or illness gets them into a nursing home. That is what could’ve happened to your parents.

Apparently that was unacceptable to you. But that doesn’t mean it was unacceptable to your siblings. And that doesn’t make them bad people. Your siblings may feel that your parents are making bad choices and they do not want to give up their lives to go along with your parents’ refusal to make any changes.

Your issue really is with your parents, not your siblings. And with yourself.

If you feel overwhelmed and do not want to do this anymore that is fine and you can start setting some boundaries and making changes. But that’s you making decisions about **your life.** You don’t get to make decisions about your siblings’ lives, or decide how they spend their vacation time from work, etc. etc. It may be a lot easier for you to vilify your siblings than to take a hard look at your relationship with your parents, and also to look at your own life and whether you are neglecting your own needs.

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My parents sacrificed so much for my siblings and offered nothing but unconditional love. It's not like there is any bad blood there.

They just opted to put down roots somewhere else, and that's okay.

Our parents are quite elderly and frail. They won't live forever. I am well aware that I am their only chance at aging in place for at least a while longer (at least while there are two of them), and I am fine with doing more than my siblings. But it isn't fair for me to do everything. All I'm asking of them is *something* ... do *something* to help your parents.

And stop telling relatives that "we" are stepping up to care for our parents and how hard it is juggling everything when you haven't even seen them since christmas.

You know what pushed me over the edge? My aunt called me to ask for my sister's address so she could send her a gift certificate for a spa day since she sounded stressed out. She has more money, less kids, and a breadwinner spouse...I have no clue why anyone would think she's stressed out. We talk daily, and I'm confident she doesn't have anything beyond normal adulting stuff on her plate. Given what my aunt said about what good kids we are for taking such good care of our parents, I'm pretty sure she must have made it sound like she's going above and beyond with caregiving.

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