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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have gotten myself into situations like this so many times before — I vaguely agree to something theoretical and far away bc it seems not-quite-real (and maybe I’ll have an excuse when the time comes!). And then I feel stuck.

But I have gotten a lot better at saying no. In part bc I got sooooo tired of this feeling!

Here are some options.

1. You make up an excuse. You didn’t realize that was the weekend you’re headed out of town, something like that. “Whoops, sorry.”

2. You call your dad, and you say, “I’m sorry. I know I agreed to this when it was theoretical, but I’m not going to be able to do it. At this point in my life it feels like too much. I know you don’t understand this. That’s okay, you don’t have to understand. I love you.”

3. You do it, but in the very lowest key way possible (lasagne, premade salad). I suggest if you go this route you also invite a very fun friend to be there and to help you, so it takes some pressure off.

4. You do a lower key version: invite them for a glass of wine instead of dinner. “Sorry, dinner won’t work, but I’d love to have you for a glass of wine.”

I don’t recommend going out to dinner, that also feels like pressure. Maybe there are other options. But do any of the above options make you feel free?

Here’s the thing to remember: You don’t need a reason for what you do, or don’t, and no one has to understand. There is no standard to meet. None.[/quote]

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