Reply to I can’t stop being sad about this relationship dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous]ok, OP, there's the attraction issue and there's a resentment issue.

I get that DH having a purpose bigger than himself would be attractive.  (but this will be plenty hard to find in the dating pool, if you reenter it, so you may end up staying single)

You were originally attracted your DH's humor and emotional skills - so maybe those can be the path back to finding him attractive again.  Is he a good dad, are there admirable traits there?

Your resentment, though, is a slippery slope to an affair, if that hasn't already happened ("But yet this daily equivalent is somehow ok. then the other spouse feels resentful and wants to feel taken care of.") Maybe your DH resents marrying you because he thinks about "what if" he married someone else and could live the lower cost of living/lower paced life elsewhere?  I hear you that he seemed to have ambition before, and now seems to have changed - but there seems to have been a shift amongst many men in the direction of wanting to chuck the high cost/DMV life and move somewhere lower cost where they feel they will be at peace even if single. If you want to stay married, you need to work through that resentment and accept that there are aspects of your lifestyle you want more than DH does - and accept that fairly that means you have to put in more to get that lifestyle and not resent DH for it.  Because no one likes being married to someone who resents them.  [/quote]

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