Reply to Advice? Daughter pushing people away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My daughter is 23, and she has some pretty serious personality issues that cause her to lose almost every relationship she has ever had. She is extremely passive aggressive. She is flat out rude if she doesn’t get her way. I have tried so hard to help her with this her entire life. I know that she is a full-fledged adult and time for her to deal with it. [b]But I can’t just stand by and watch her lose everyone.[/b] I wish I had just the right words to help her or knew how to make her realize what is pushing people away. Honestly, it is affecting our family dynamic as well. Her siblings are tired of it. She does go to therapy, but[b] I think it is more complaining about everyone else instead of working on hersel[/b]f.

I am open to any advice. [/quote]
Why not? Isn’t that a consequence for rude behavior? Maybe she hasn’t had to ever feel any consequences.

Get some therapy yourself to figure out how you can disengage. [/quote]

This.She is an adult. You cannot control what goes on in her therapy. You sound very co-dependent and like you think you must rescue her. If she has the serious personality issues she claims, she will need to learn how to deal with consequences of her actions and you do hard by shielding her from that. If you are pathologizing her to feel better about the fact she has distanced herself from you, then therapy can help you process your feelings in a healthier way. If her siblings are tired of it all they can set boundaries. I have to admit though, it sounds like she is the identified patient/scapegoat in a dysfunctional system. Your trying a little too hard to convince us you and everyone else in the family think she is trouble. If she is so much trouble let her distance and find her way. You want her "fixed" to fit some ideal she is not going to fit.[/quote]

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