Reply to Mourning all the wasted years.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]What do you mean by saying your marriage is a dependent marriage vs. true love? [/b]Most long-term couples have marriage 1.0, marriage 2.0, etc. TO THE SAME PERSON. It is very common for one spouse's growth to destablize a relationship, and that it not necessarily your fault and you may or may not be able to keep the marriage. But if I was your spouse, I would certainly have my defenses up if it seemed like you were viewing our past as dependent, fake, or somehow less than.  If it's been a basically good but boring marriage, he may well feel hurt as it felt real to him - providing for and protecting you and your kid the best he knew how. Even if you decide to leave or see if you can get your husband to come along the road to creating marriage 2.0, you also need to find a way to honor and appreciate the place your marriage thus far has had in your lives.  [/quote]

Agree that I'd like to know what dependent marriage vs. true love mean. What is true love, OP? I really think this is a version of midlife crisis where you are romanticizing so much--love, fun teen years, fun college years, fun sex. I'm truly sorry you had a trauma filled childhood. That's awful. But please know that most of us humans didn't have the amazing times and experiences you seem to be romanticizing. [/quote]

Agree with this 100%.

There are lots of people who went through a bunch of partners and never found the right one.  [b]As well as people who thought they found the right one early, then the right one cheated on them and blew up their long-term marriage in egregious ways. [/b] There are lots of people as unhappy or more than OP, just with different problems.

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+1, yes my ex-husband acted out egregiously because he resented feeling dependent in the relationship (based on his own unresolved traumas; he would acknowledge now not based on anything I had actually done to make him dependent except being young and not having the tools to fix his internal turmoil within the marriage - but he blamed me at the time). our traumas can drive us to hungrily grab at the "should have" expectations we are fed, with disastrous results.  [/quote]

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