Reply to How to handle son coming out as trans to an anti-trans, homophobic grandparent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When my son transitioned, post puberty but still a teenager, after much therapy and social transitioning, he was ready to inform family that lived far away. We were planning a visit and I suggested giving them a heads up so they can get used to the idea before seeing the new him. I made the initial calls because if it didn’t go well, I didn’t want him to be the one to hear the negativity. I also didn’t want them to say something unkind in the moment and come around later, knowing those things can’t be unheard and for the relationship to be soured if he wasn’t able to get past anything unkind that they said. I recommend that approach, especially if the people he’s coming out to don’t have good filters and react too quickly.

The responses were exactly the opposite of what we expected among grandparents. The more conservative ones were all about family and love, the very religious said they didn’t really understand but they don’t need to understand to love my family-and most importantly they seemed to understand we were going through a tough time and they were empathetic rather than judgmental, and the fun doting grandparents who seemed to think my kids could do no wrong went off the deep end and we no longer have a relationship with them. DH and I were surprised in good and bad ways by so many people’s responses. Because of that, I would recommend letting family know, and being a buffer for your child if needed. You really can’t always predict how people will react.

I was also very clear that if they had any questions, I would be happy to answer them. I had some resources ready to send them if they didn’t know where to start or wanted to read about other people’s experiences. We tried to make it as easy for everyone to accept as possible. We also discussed the process and got tips from DS’s therapist before we told them. When MIL came to visit, DS had a therapy appointment and we offered to let her go with him so she could meet his therapist and feel comfortable that he was being supported and not being brainwashed. She helped MIL feel comfortable with the process. 
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Great advice and approach. You sound like great parents. [/quote]

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