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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am posting here for support and thoughts of others who may have traveled a similar road.

My DD is a recent college grad working in a professional capacity at a Fortune 100 firm.

Hard working student who graduated  Phi Beta Kappa.

Never any indications of issues although there is a family history of mental health issues.

This past week she overdosed on anti-depressants but gratefully called an ambulance and is recuperating.

When I arrived at the ER she was in a room with my son and another young man that I did not recognize. When I arrived one of the medical folks stated that my DD could only have two quests so the young man got up and left. We were not introduced.

I mentioned to my my daughter that I was happy someone had come to support her and I apologized for not introducing myself to her friend.

While my daughter was in college she worked at a local restaurant and I suspected this might have been one of the young men that worked in the kitchen. My son stayed quiet.

In turns out unknown to me my daughter has been in a romantic relationship with this young man. My DW and two other children were aware of this relationship. My DW and other DD did not approve and made their feelings known. The young man is here illegally and does not speak any English. He did attend a local High School but dropped out. He is a cook in the restaurant and is paying child support for a child he recently learned was his purportedly from a one off sexual encounter with a local woman.

I am trying hard to keep an open mind as when I was young my family did not approve of my first girlfriend and that is not something I want to do to my children.

There is a lot to unpack. My DW and I are not being told much about my DW’s self harm event due to HIPPA. We are getting the sense from some of the medical professionals that her self harm event might have been brought on by events related to her romantic relationship.

Given the family history of mental health issues I am naturally quite concerned. And I do not want to risk my relationship with my daughter over her choice of partner.

My DW has shared with my DD some of the challenges her relationship will present - my daughter likes to travel and yet he cannot leave the country / my DD likes her professional career and it would be challenging to invite him to social work events. My DS met him but cannot communicate with him as he doesn’t speak Spanish.

I am trying hard not to be judgemental and realize most relationships among young people fizzle out. I do not have a time line but I believe the relationship has been one and off for two or three years.

My DS is open minded. He doesn’t care about the man’s SES but feels if the relationship brought my DD to self harm than the relationship is toxic.

I realize the issue may be my DD’s coping skills but I think my DS has a point.

I am of the mind that I would like to tell my daughter that I have learned of the relationship and would like to meet the young man. I also suggested to my wife that we should make him feel welcome in our home while sharing with our DD our concerns about the challenges they would face as life partners.

I will also admit that there is a part of my that wants to say WTF ??? but ironically up to this point I have trusted my daughter’s decisions because she has always been level headed and made good decisions.

I realize it’s a long post but really wanted to get some thoughts from folks.

Please no snark.[/quote]

I'm an adult in my 40s but I have struggled with mental health issues since my college years. During the pandemic things got really bad and I had to be hospitalized for the first time in my life. I ended up limiting contact with my father because he really had no concept of mental illness or what I was struggling with and often made judgmental or "pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" kinds of comments which was very triggering for me. The fact that your daughter told everyone in her family about her bf and not you definitely indicates that she doesn't feel safe opening up to you for some reason. I would suggest asking your wife what she thinks and also trying to educate yourself more on mental illness/depression. The way you write sounds very logical but depression is not logical. It's not something you can think yourself out of. [/quote]

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