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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here to answer some questions I received.

My child is 11. He has no kids and doesn’t want to have any. His relationship with my kid beautiful. He plays an uncle role and it’s very fulfilling to see their dynamic. Both get a lot out of it and they verbally express that. The role that he plays there is exactly what I want, not looking for anything more. My child has an active father. It is possible he may not ever want to live with my child. I’m not sure I’ve never asked. If he didn’t I be ok with that but want to live together after my kid went to college.

He has never been married, and says he does not believe in it. He has cohabited twice with partners long-term (a decade). The last time the break up was extremely messy (similar to a bad divorce) and he is still negatively impacted by it.

If I knew that things would continue on exactly as they are forever, I would sign up for that. Ideally I would like to cohabitate at some point, but not being able to is not a deal breaker. I just want to eventually get to a place where I can say….this is my person, this is what we are doing. The more time  that goes on, the more attached we become. We spend a lot of quality time together and in a way have created a little family. I want to know that isn’t going anywhere.
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NP. Your last paragraph above actually is an excellent script, OP. Have you said exactly this to him?

Are you concerned that if you use the words above with him, they will scare him off? They might not, as he would be hearing that you are actually happy with the relationship you and he share currently, you're fine with not marrying and not cohabiting, you just want to be able to say "this is my person" and frankly you want to be able to say it not just between you but for the world -- right? He may be fearing you're going to want to marry, and if not, tell him that specifically. But "I want to know that the little family we've created here isn't going to go away" is good, if that's the core of what you need to know. If he does get scared away by that level of honesty, of asking for what you need--well, if that scares him off, wouldn't that mean that his roots weren't as deep in the relationship as you both thought?

Has he ever had any therapy around the bad breakup earlier? Just wondering. He may be very understandably balky about any and all labels but he might need to work through some baggage he's bringing to your relationship, baggage you don't deserve dealing with and frankly neither does he.

I'm assuming you and he at least have discussed that you're exclusive, right? That's not a relationship label as much as an assurance of sexual fidelity. Kind of essential and surely that's one thing he's committed to with you, correct? [/quote]

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