Reply to What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH has never been good with money, or jobs,  - anything related to adulting.

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I don’t dislike him but this dynamic is not working for me.what I’m really torn over is that I can’t leave due to finances.

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Talk me off a ledge. [/quote]

You asked to be talked off a ledge, so I will try to do that. You start by bringing up the thing that seems like the real problem: that he is not being an equal partner in the life you have built together with your kids. If he had some hugely time-consuming job and earned a lot of money, I could see how there would be a case that he is contributing to the household. It sounds like that is nowhere near to your situation. What have you tried to do to hold him accountable in your marriage?  Not saying you should have to do that in an ideal world, but you’re not in an ideal world.

The split finances issue is a different thing, and maybe more logistical than fundamental (I don’t know what your relationship is like). Doing simple things like combining your accounts and limiting his access to those accounts until he is a more willing participant in your life. Seems like you should just do that. Who is he to say that you can’t? He shouldn’t get only the fun part without any of the burden. I don’t get how men can expect adult authority and toddler responsibility. Maybe phrase it to him just like that. [/quote]

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