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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If they plan to ever move close to you they need to do it now. It will be much harder as your moms dementia progresses and as they both age. But even now moving will be very difficult for them and could accelerate your mom’s decline into dementia. Moving cross country is hard for anyone, but especially for someone w dementia. She’ll likely feel even more disoriented and confused after a move like that than she will w the usual condition progression.

The hardest part is you can’t control what they do. Your dad ultimately will be the one to decide and you’ll have to deal w his decision whatever it may be. Do make sure your dad gives you or your sister POA now so that if he dies or develops serious health issues before your mom dies, you or your sister can make decisions wrt your mom and the estate.

Also, go visit and just enjoy your mom’s company. Go now/as soon as you can. take photos and especially videos and make voice recordings—-we really treasure the voice recordings and videos most bc my MIL who now is in advanced stage dementia, can no longer speak or interact w us (she hasn’t been able to speak for almost a year now and hadn’t been able to have a real conversation or interaction for about 2.5 years now. She was first diagnosed w dementia in 2017 and by 2021 she no longer had the same personality at all and by 2023 she could no longer speak. [/quote]

yeah, wills and trusts are less important than DPOAs for both of them. My mom was too far gone into paranoia to agree to give me DPOA, but gave my dad DPOA and the terms of the DPOA were that he had the power of substitution. Me and my dad were then able to execute and notarize a substitute durable power of attorney which was good because he unexpectedly died first. (a lot of family lawyers, like the ones you can talk to free off of a metlife lawyer plan, have no idea how to do this, so in a lot of cases you get what you pay for.)

if they have an established friend group/social life then it is likely best to leave them in CA for now. If your parents still come to visit for extended stays then you may be able to convince your dad that they need to just stay on the extended trip, and that you will deal with everything in CA. It's going to feel too impossible to him when they are in the comfort of their home. Research and tour communities near you so you have a very short list of possibilities.

Apple watches with GSM and fall detection, if they will wear them, are good. Airtags in car, in purse also good. I also put blink cameras with short record triggers in unobtrusive places just to monitor my parents house from afar. (camera on driveway, camera in kitchen, camera in basement, and eventually I put a camera in their bedroom but under a table with just a view of the door. I didn't want to be visually spying on them but I did want to loosely figure out where in the house they were, and be able to listen if I was worried someone fell.)

I'm sorry. It's hard.[/quote]

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