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[quote=Anonymous]I found 1-2-3 Magic to be effective for stopping some of my 9-year-old's more challenging behaviors. You and DH decide on 1-2 behaviors you want her to STOP and corresponding ones you want her to START. Eg, you want her to STOP responding disrespectfully when you ask her to change tasks. You want her to START saying, "I don't want to do that, but I will" (or whatever.) You unroll this to her.

Tell her that the first time time she does the "stop" behavior, that's a 1. Second time is a 2. Third time, up to her room for 7 minutes. No discussion, no negotiation. The counting is a way for you to disengage and be calm. When the 7 minutes are done, she returns and re-enters. There doesn't need to be a conversation.

You can decide if you want to tie incentives/punishments to it. Eg, if she gets to 3 twice in one weekend day, she loses iPad privileges; if she goes 3 days in a row without getting to 3, she gets (something fun you like to do together--you can ask her what this is.)

The hardest thing will be getting her up for time-out. I don't know how people do that with younger kids (mine went willingly, but his issues are different.)

I think it will show her that you're not tolerating the nonsense. I was disrespectful to my mom when I was a kid in the 70s/early 80s, and even today, I get why--I just find her very annoying in some ways. But there were things I liked to do with her, and if she hadn't bitten back at me, I probably would have lost some of the fun of pushing her buttons. Eliminating that and getting to, say, bake with her or listen to music while we did a craft would have steered me out of my nastiness, I bet.

Good luck! I'm glad you're continuing to ask for help. [/quote]

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