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[quote=Anonymous]I am sorry this is happening to you. You sound like a very caring person. Your back and forth with your DD re her room’s paint color sounds exactly like conversations I have with my own bio DD who is 15 and has significant executive functioning issues (diagnosed). She would absolutely say the exact same things and has about other subjects.

She once told our pediatrician we don’t keep food in the house so she’s always hungry. So this raised a huge red flag and the doctor brought me in to ask if we were food insecure and other questions. Soon it became clear that my daughter really meant “my mother won’t buy me take out every day so there is no food in the house I will eat”. Doctor instructed my daughter to go to grocery store with me to pick out food she likes. I took her to a giant wegmans and said ok let’s get food. Pick out whatever you want. She refused to get anything, at all. After this standoff for 10 minutes I proceeded to just get regular groceries.

It’s never about the food or the paint color. It’s about control when they think they have none. It’s about feeling acknowledged and seen, even if you as the parent are doing all the right things. My daughter will willingly go against her own self interests so that she can refuse to cooperate, even for something she wants. I don’t know why. We have a family counselor, she has her own therapist and she’s had an executive functioning coach.

You are not alone OP. Hang in there. You could go to the paint store and buy a fan (the thing that has all the switches together that you can spread out like a hand fan) and maybe bring it home to see if she sees anything. Leave it on the table to see if she gets the idea to pick it up and look. [/quote]

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