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[quote=Anonymous]1-2 bottles of wine every night is clearly someone who is in the grip of a serious alcohol use disorder. It's no one's fault. Alcohol is a very addictive substance and there are all sorts of reasons why some develop a disorder - genetics, age of first use, trauma. Plus it's a powerful drug. Drinking every day, particularly from a young age, would lead to a physiological addiction for everyone.

It is the nature of the drug. And the brain adapts to it.

Unfortunately, addiction sucks. It does not get better. Only worse. The second bottle will eventually turn to the third bottle. And like most alcoholics, they will usually move towards vodka and hiding things. And alcoholics can drink staggering amounts of vodka.

There is no way out unless the alcoholic wants out. And that requires total abstinence. For alcoholics in recovery, it's usually a pretty bumpy journey. If he's ready to get started there might be hope.

At his level of drinking - with a baby and a partner who does not drink - I suggest inpatient rehab for at least 30 days. The first five days or so will be the acute detox. And then he will be in a safe environment that will give him some tools, some understanding, and very importantly, some time for his brain to begin to heal. The first 30 days of sobriety are terrible - the brain is flooded with cortisol, can't make any dopamine. It's a stressful, unpleasant time. You don't want to be anywhere near someone who is 8 days sober and having a bad day.

After 30 days, he should do IOP for a few months. More structure. More time. More accountability. They get tested. They usually use this time to develop a a sober network and establish some good routines. Exercise is a big one early on. The brain might have some trouble making dopamine. But it can still make endorphins. You'd be amazed how good alcoholics look after three months clean and a solid exercise regime. Unrecognizable.

In the meantime, you should find a baby-sitter and explore Al-anon meetings. Every meeting is going to have a different vibe. So try a few. You should do that regardless.

If your husband is unwilling to confront this head on, I'm sorry. It's not going to work out. So you need to start mentally preparing for that and developing a safe exit plan for you and your baby.

Addiction does not mess around. It's serious business. But only the addict can take the first step. The only thing you can do is tell him the consequences if he continues to drink - which is that you and the baby are leaving. I can tell you for certain it's not going to magically get better on its own. And the words of anyone in the grip of addiction are absolutely meaningless. The only thing that counts is action. And that's up to him. And that's up to you. But with a baby you cannot continue to let this slide.   [/quote]

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