Reply to Boomer parents/realities of aging in place

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother is now contending with widowhood, a move to assisted living in another state near family and the loss of a beloved pet who cannot be accommodated in assisted living. She keeps saying “it’s not fair! I am losing everything all at once - my husband, my home, etc” but here’s the thing. She is facing this massive upset because they did no planning. They should have moved near family 15 years ago. The dog should have been rehomed  years ago since they couldn’t care for it properly. There should have been a conversation about her mild dementia and her husbands terminal diagnosis prior to his death. To me, it is beyond frustrating to see this type of magical thinking and failure to plan. My husband and I have vowed not to do this to our kids and have set up a pretty strict timeline regarding moving, downsizing etc.[/quote]

You hit the nail on the head. This was my parents with a dependent sibling thrown in, who's now screaming "it's not fair" when sibling refused to do much to increase earnings in 20 years prior.

The question is not downsizing - the question is do you have the money to stay where you are and the ability/desire to hire in help if you don't downsize. For us to downsize, we will be spending MORE on smaller accommodations, when[b] we can simply install an elevator for much less and plan to hire in help when needed,[/b] so our kids can be our kids and not our caretakers.  I have a friend up the street living in only 1000 feet of her 5000 square foot home, which is very workable. What is NOT workable is that she refuses to hire in anyone to help her, even though she's disabled and depends on her one kid (who she's burning out) and friends and neighbors to do things for her, who are getting increasingly upset at her refusal to help herself.  And it's not just 'can you grab me some bread at the grocery store since you are going'. There are very specific instructions and demands that go with each favor.[/quote]

It's not always easy to just hire help when needed.   Caregivers can be unreliable if you hire privately.     There's a bit more reassurance of coverage if you go through an agency, but then you might end up with a revolving door of caregivers...someone different every shift.  This can be especially frustrating when there are language and cultural differences.[/quote]

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