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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, should we tell the adoption agencies to tell the birth mothers that what they are doing is not very nice?
isomehow I got the impression that the birth mother had not had contact for 5 years. Does that not mean that the adoptive parents have not had contact, or am I missing something? Is some photographs through a 3rd party contact?[/quote]

PP you're responding to, I think.  I don't think there's any reason to tell anyone whether you think what they are doing is "nice."  I do, however, not believe that birth mothers should have leverage over adoptive parents in any way.  Nor should they be allowed to initiate communication with the adoptive family, whether it be through asking for direct contact, for photos, or anything else.  There are plenty of women who regret having placed their children for adoption, and who would like to gain back custody if possible.  There are also birth mothers who simply want a cordial relationship with their birth children.  In my view, you give up the right to all of that when you place a child for adoption. There is no reason an adoptive family should need to think about the birth mother, or be concerned about what she might try, for even a minute.  Again, avoiding this type of unpredictability (not knowing if or how a birth parent will show up, not knowing whether he/she is reasonable or stable, not knowing whether he/she has the adopted child's and the adoptive family's best interest at heart, and the like) is a huge reason that so few people adopt domestically.  I'd much rather improve the reliability and stability of domestic adoptions, and support more fully adoptive parents, in hopes of increasing domestic adoptions and helping all those kids find homes, rather than providing a birth parent with closure.  The birth parents simply aren't my priority compared to the adopted child, his or her adoptive parents, and kids who might be adopted in the US if it weren't for concerns about birth parents later choosing to become involved.[/quote]

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