Reply to How to teach daughter how to be a good wife?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is what I learned from my grandma and my mom:
-When I was preg with our first child, my mom sat me down and said the most important thing to this transition will be to not stomp all over DH's efforts. She told me that there will be many things he will do differently than me, but what matters is the effort. She said if it is not a direct safety issue (including emotional wellbeing), do not comment on it. She told me that she has seen so many husbands try hard at the beginning, constantly get criticized or corrected by the wife, and then eventually they just stop trying and the wife has all this resentment that she is the primary parent. You bet I kept my mouth shut when DH dressed DD in a onesie snapped over the pants or in an "outfit" of tights plus a shirt. It's served us well.
-Keep at least one bank account for yourself always.
-Feelings are not facts. 
-Working to understand your partner's perspective, even if you don't agree with it, provides more value than bickering over it.
-When things are chaotic, especially with little kids, get everyone in water or outside. Sounds crazy, but I've followed this faithfully. Kids are fighting and rambunctious at 8pm? Get your coats on we are going to run around the yard. DH and I are snippy with one another? Come on, we're walking the dog or taking a shower together. 
-Just try. People divorce when there is no effort. If both people are trying, chances are good that things will progress forward. 
-Get [b]dinner on the table[/b] every night. Not in a sexist woman in the kitchen way, but in a it's been a long day for everyone and I love you all and want to connect over a meal kind of way. My grandma (88), mom (66), myself (35) and my two daughters (6 and 4) bond over cooking and baking together all the time and then we enjoy big family meals from our efforts....and then play board games as the [b]men clean up![/b][/quote]

DP here.

I think you have a good list.  I appreciate that when women are cooking, the men are cleaning.  The work does not have to be exactly equal because marriage is a partnership towards creating a household where everyone's needs are met.  It has to absolutely have to be equitable and both partners have to contribute something.

As a wife and mom, I am quite house-proud. My DH can live in a slightly cluttered home and he is pretty good cook.  Over the years, when my workload increases at work or when I am traveling or sick, my DH can take over the task of running the household solo. But, in normal circumstances, I love to have a warm dinner for everyone, I love hosting people, I love having a clean house - and I take on these responsibilities willingly.

Marriage is not about keeping scores. It is about making your home a place of safety, comfort and peace. [/quote]

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