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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Condolences to you. You had not seen your parents since 2019? Everyday calls don’t cut it. You’re a virtual stranger to your mother if she is truly declining. She’s grieving. You need to figure out a way to connect with her— calm and reassure her that you respect her space. Set a date and time for your return. Writr it on a memo pad with names and phone numbers of those who will check in on her. Make sure your contact info is listed first. Gather relevant paperwork and a to do list to tackle at home. This may be a long journey. She’s physically able to manage the home. Routine is comforting for her. Would she be willing to accept a social worker/aid for a few hours a week? She needs an in home evaluation. If you’re not named POA or medical proxy, you’ve got work to do. Call her daily and remind her of date/time you’ll return. [/quote]
Thank you, this is good advice. There are many reasons I have been away so long. They always discouraged me from visiting after I left for college. When I did visit they insisted on my staying with them even though they have no guest room (what could/should be one is full of “displays”). Mom would be fed up with my disruption of her routines after just a few days, so my visits became fewer and farther between. Years ago, they (my mother) literally forbid me to come for my grandmother’s funeral. I was already planning on coming out unannounced before all this happened after I realized they were actively hiding issues. I do not believe she would allow any help beyond an occasional phone call (maybe visit if pre-arranged) from my dad’s friends. She has not called any of their friends. I have, and she isn’t happy about it. If I ask her if it’s ok if I call someone, she says no. Nothing I do or say seems to comfort or help her. When she gets upset she’ll yell “I lost my husband!” All I can do is tell her how sorry I am. If I try to console her she pushes me away. Meanwhile, I’ve lost my dad—and now, effectively, my mom.[/quote]

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