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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP trust your gut.

Others will call you controlling and jealous but he is in essence having an emotional affair.

I was in this scenario when I was younger. It did not end well.[/quote]

OP here, that's what I'm trying to do. I feel like we're doomed but since he agreed to cut contact with her, I'm willing to feel it out for a month or two and see if he is serious.[/quote]

I don't know if you are doomed. Give him a chance to separate himself from this other woman and see if you can both invest in what you have.

Been there -- and I was your boyfriend in the situation. Broke up with a long-time ex I had been good friends with before dating. We used to chat literally every day for about an hour, even when we had both started dating other people, and would meet in person about once a month for a drink.

My boyfriend and his girlfriend were always kind of sad about it, but never made demands that we stop.

Eventually I realized that I wasn't investing in my new relationship, told the ex I needed to stop chatting every day, and held to it. I still missed him but I did have the energy to pay attention to my new relationship, and actually got engaged within 6 months and have now been happily married for 15 years. Haven't seen or chatting with my ex since getting engaged (aside from very infrequent mutual facebook thumbs up for big life events.) We both ended up marrying the people that we had been with when we were chatting daily with each other.

So, here's why I think i kept talking to the old guy:
1. I knew him much better than the new boyfriend and valued that history
2. We had some old business we need to bring to closure
3. We enjoyed the intimacy of the conversation

It really wasn't malicious. Its sometimes hard to stop caring about someone just instantly... it takes  a little while to ramp down. 
If you really like this guy, a little patience may pay off.

[/quote]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I think your 3 reasons why you continued talking to your ex are the exact ones he feels when talking to her. I know it's platonic but it still feels intimate and close, and I can't stand it. I spent last year trying to rationalize it and deal with it, and I'm in therapy trying to examine if there is something in me that is making me feel insecure, but my therapists, friends, and now this thread have all validated that this isn't something that is widely accepted in relationships. I feel less crazy.[/quote]

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