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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do we owe them nothing after they spent X years providing food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, etc., or does that obligate us to do the same for them?[/quote]

I posted already that for each person you figure out what works for you where you feel good helping, but don't get burned out, depleted resources or make yourself ill. That said, nobody chooses to be born. You parent is required to provide food, shelter and healthcare because they chose to have and keep you. Sure most of us want to help our parents, but we don't owe them something because they chose to have sex and give birth. I think the emotional part is key-did they go beyond food and shelter and really provide emotional stability? The more you felt loved and developed a secure attachment, the more you may want to be there and be involved and for some it truly is almost all gratifying other than the pain of seeing a parent decline. There are parents who provide above and beyond interms of food, shelter, financial stability, yet the household was abusive. There are people who grew up poor in abusive situations. There are so many situations and factors and even factors in the family we created that factor in. I think we all just have to figure out what we can do and handle. I am not of the mindset that we guilt trip eachother into you must do x, y and Z, though assuming there was no abuse, I think we do what we can to make sure the parent gets care. I would say we do what we can to ensure they are safe, but with so many parents insisting on aging in place, sometimes we have to let go of ensuring safety and just let them live on their terms even if the consequences are grim.[/quote]

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