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[quote=Anonymous]
OP,

I know a lot of classical musicians, and they too, have a schedule centered on nightlife, since their concerts are in the evening and then some of them go out and drink, which is also an important networking time. A musician will have that lifestyle, and some of them do well with it, as in, control their drinking, not stay out all night, only go to events that are financially or socially worth it, etc. Some of them don't. Your husband has a living to earn to support his family and curtailing his gigs isn't going to cut it when he's in his prime earning years!

I also had a kid at 25, while in grad school. Right now it seems as though you're confusing your relative amounts of "going out" with his profession. It's his job! Not yours. If you guys can't afford a nanny, then welcome to the world of most of the human sapiens on this planet. I couldn't afford a regular nanny either, our relatives live far away, and the only date night we had back then was when my husband and I went to childbirth class when I was pregnant with my second, and left my first with our neighbor's nanny, who gave us a good rate. We found a daycare that took my entire (puny) grad stipend, and we lived *very tightly* on my husband's salary for a while. Are you sure there isn't an affordable church daycare somewhere?

There are people like me who have kids young, on a very small budget, and are realistic about what parenting entails. You both have some growing up to do. It's hard to tell from your post whether your husband is going out too often and spending too much. When he's free, he could stay home while you go out with your friends, or you could both spend extra to hire a nanny for date night. But don't count his going out hours the way you count yours. They're fundamentally different.

If you think he's not mature enough to handle being a husband and father, and not prioritizing the budget for daycare, that's a different conversation. I can't tell from your post whether you're at that point or not, and you'll still have a daycare problem even if divorce is on the table. You need to have another conversation with him, about childcare.

Good luck.[/quote]

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