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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My older sister is always talking about how she's setting boundaries, but her behavior just seems judgmental. Her attitude comes across as everyone in the family has profoundly disappointed her and she has to set boundaries because of how awful we are. I'm not even clear on what the boundaries are. I treat her like I treat other people. I reach out to spend time with her, listen to her etc. She just doesn't seem to like us but keeps saying this is about "healthy boundaries."[/quote]

It’s likely that you are expecting too much togetherness.

1. If anyone, especially family, declines an invite accept it happily. Do not try to work the problem or find solutions to why they declined. Do not go on about how upset you are or how much you’ll miss her or how sneer eldername whoever will be just crushed. Your response is either no problem, catch you next time or completely understand!

2. Do not invite yourself along to her family events. You don’t need to be part of the birthdays, recitals, games. Do not constantly invite her for every event in your life. Respect that you have your own lives.

3. Drop holiday expectations. Maybe her family wants to travel or just chill with their nuclear family.

4. Do not ask prying questions. If she wants to share she will.

5. Do not offer unsolicited advice. Before you share your opinion or wisdom, ask yourself, did anyone ask for my advice? If the answer is no then stop. [/quote]

This is so brilliant and on point!

Leanne Morgan has a funny comedy routine on her son and DIL setting boundaries with her. I get the sense she is a great MIL and grandma and is using satire.

If people set boundaries with you accept them. Judging, complaining, gossiping, venting about it won't change the fact the person needs space from you. You have to meet people where they are and accept what they can give. If boundaries cause you distress, then it may be worth exploring in therapy why you are triggered. Even if the person setting boundaries with you is just completely nuts and using them as a weapon or whatever you think, it doesn't matter. The reality is the person is not comfortable with the way things are. You have 2 choices. You can adjust your expectations and meet them where they are, or you can decide you don't want to deal with them at all. [/quote]

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