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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I like my in laws a lot.  They are quirky, smart, loving, would support us no matter what.  I don’t think many people in my circle have anything but love for their in laws.  We are a pretty harmonious group with healthy family relationships.  [/quote]

NP here.  Your ILs sound like warm, supportive, loving, open individuals.  Not all of us are so fortunate.

I came from a family that would do everything together, mom's side - aunts, uncles and cousins, dad's side - aunts uncle and cousins, and us (mom, dad, me and all of my siblings).  Everything seemed an extended family event, with lots of discussions and laughter. Holidays and almost every weekend was spent together, usually at one of the two grandparent couples' houses, or at a day outing. It was not perfect, but it was loud, joyous and celebratory.  My parents and their friends were very supportive of their families and spent most of the time together, as well. This is not always the case, and you would be naive to think so.

After having married into DH's family, I realize not all families are open, warm, inclusive supportive, and (most of the time) harmonious. So, one can be raised in a warm and inclusive family, and still unknowingly not marry into a warm family. When one marries, the family (one marries into) does not wear a scarlet letter that represents being closed, enabling, narcissistic, exclusionary, unhealthy relationships, clannish and catty.  Another example, some families barely know their cousins, and there can be huge cousin age differences (some decades - plural). One side might be barely invited to weddings - neither are acceptable in my family. It might be their normal to not be involved or close to their family.

It would be great to issue an extensive, detailed questionnaire to each and every family member upon marrying, but that is not very realistic. 
[/quote]

To add, if there is favoritism in the family, it taints how the cousins see the grandparents. Don't act surprised if you are a grandparent guilty of this practice, and the grandchildren see it earlier than you wanted them to.  Kids are smart, and figure things out for themselves. [/quote]

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