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[quote=Anonymous]Do you have an individual counselor for yourself, OP?  If not, I really encourage you to find one, especially one that is familiar with addiction.

About a year into our relationship, it became apparent that my now-DH had a drinking problem. Addiction is rife in my family of origin, I'd worked really hard to get it away from it and I was unwilling to allow it back in.  So, we broke up and, conveniently, I moved out of the area for about a year.  During that year I was away, now-DH did a lot of work on himself, he went to AA and stopped drinking.  We started dating again when I moved back and soon moved in together.  We started seeing a relationship counselor because we were having some communication issues (we loved each other very much but couldn't figure out why we were arguing so much).  In addition to helping us see how my family issues were impacting our relationship, the counselor helped now-DH see he was suffering from depression.  He began his own counseling after that as well as started medication. DH was also later diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.

We've been together nearly 30 years and have experienced a lot of DH's "cycling".  There's a vicious negative feedback loop with the ADHD/depression/anxiety that when any one of them are not well controlled, the others are likely to spiral as well. When that happens, DH is prone to addictive behaviors - porn, tobacco, alcohol, food, etc.  I actually don't think DH is an addict as much as a self-medicator.  When his mental health disorders are controlled/managed, he has no problem regulating his 'vices'.  We've talked extensively about this because, as I understand it, quitting tobacco is one of the hardest things to do.  Yet, when he, once again, gets on track with managing his mental health, he can just drop tobacco - no problem.  Something to keep in mind as your hsuband goes through tis.  Hugs.

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