Reply to If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?

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Reply to "If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does it mean to be the scapegoat?[/quote]

The scapegoat is the family member the rest of the family blames for everything that goes wrong. There can be a narcissistic parent involved who projects their perceived best traits on to the golden child and their perceived worst traits on to the scapegoat. One child gets the parent's best attention, the other child all the parent's worst attention. For decades.

OP, there are videos on YouTube about being scapegoated, and what happens to the family scapegoat in adulthood. Often, this family member goes gray rock and then eventually no contact with their families who are unable to see them as anything different. But now they're almost 50, not 15, and they're done being treated badly. The scapegoat is usually the most emotional strong member of the family. That's why they can carry the weight of all of this, and come out the other side even stronger. They are often more successful than the golden child, too.[/quote]

This is true in my family.  Brother the GC; I'm the scapegoat.  We get along very well and both recognize the dynamics of our family. We also have an older sister who is still vying to be seen and valued by my parents.  She plays by a their rules and basically enables them.  I've spoken at length with her about how she will never be valued by them the way she needs.  There is simply not enough love in their hearts. We're all adults with our own families.  I go home for no more than 8 days a year 2x 4 days, never more.  My sister moves in with my parents for the summers and goes back for all major holidays.  My brother lives in the same town, so he sees them often.  My mom always sends me on a guilt trip about my infrequent visits but I practice grey rock.  There are VERY good reasons I won't go back.  When I spend more than the allotted 8 days, they begin to treat me like crap - even in front of my kids, which is a major boundary for me.

Success- wise for the adult children - we're all moderately successful in different ways. We all went through some emotional trauma because of these dynamics but came out reasonable people who get along well enough.  I like my siblings, but probably wouldn't be friends with them if I wasn't related.  It helps that my brother recognizes his golden child privilege.  He's not apologetic or anything and still says I 'have a chip on my shoulder about my mom'..  I totally do, because I was treated like crap forever and the chip helps me keep my boundaries and keep my kids safe from all that.[/quote]

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