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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Constantly critical. Never complimented me. Super negative. No wedding, anniversaries celebrated. Didn’t want to go out on dates unless he was interested in the restaurant itself - it wasn’t about time together. Wanted sex regularly but it wasn’t emotional and so my libido was low. Very controlling. He made a good living so I was resigned to staying for the kids. It reached a point where I lost all autonomy over my life and the things I care about, so I left him. I actually am so much happier and my depression magically disappeared (though I did a lot of therapy and found patterns with how my parents treated me, they’re also no longer in my life).

I never imagined that I could feel as light and free as I do without XH. It’s like I have so much potential now - career, personal growth, happiness, love. I do mourn the time with my kids since I see them less. But they also get a more fully actualized mother so in the longterm I think it will be better for them.

It makes me doubt when people say they’d stay together for the kids because the difference in myself is so undeniable that I can’t imagine anyone who stays together (other than for financial reasons) could possibly have good mental health, and eventually physical health, longterm.

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I think it depends on how much of a separate life you can carve out within the marriage. We have the equivalent of 50/50 parenting responsibilities but I choose to be around the house more to see the kids. I can do what I like in the rest of the time and have a job I like. For now despite the fact that the relationship is non-existent (or net negative), staying in one house with the kids is a net positive for the family and I do get to do stuff I want, except start a new relationship. If it got to the point that I seriously was prioritizing that I guess I would divorce.[/quote]

Yes, my separate life kept me going and I actually thought it was pretty good once we were in a stable place - forgot to add that XH was chaotic and constantly needed change in his life like moving/renovating/starting businesses. But the pandemic caused a lot of issues where I was pressured into quitting my job and then he moved us (said it wasn’t a permanent move but pulled a bait/switch) and then my separate life went *poof* overnight. Figured anyone who would destroy what I’d build like that was a terrible spouse and didn’t want to spend the next 40 years together.[/quote]

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