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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. When really pressed he admits we can “afford it” but states that it’s not something he values. When I point out that I value it and my feelings should matter too, he doesn’t really have anything to say to that. And that’s what hurts I think. It’s like how people say the no vote always wins. And he is almost always the no vote. It’s maddening. [/quote]

Do you have a job, OP? If you want to renovate you’ll need to go nuclear.

First off you need to be direct about how important this is to you. Verbalize this. Next time he wants to do something you should veto it and explain you’re simply treating him how he treats you. Even if it’s something as unimportant as going out for Mexican on a Friday night. Tell him, “you seem unwilling to do something very important to me we can afford so I can’t continue to sacrifice for someone who discounts what I want.”  There’s very likely something in his life such as a car, vacation, golf bag etc that you don’t care for but go along with to keep the peace. Stop doing that.  Consider not giving anything to him for Christmas.

Nuclear options include:

1. Looking for a new job and explaining it’s so you can fund the renovation.

2. Start talking about looking for a second home or condo that’s updated where you can spend a decent amount of time. Explain he’s unwilling to renovate your current home so you’d like to find a place to stay for periods of time.

3. When you hang out at a friends house and they’ve done any work on their house, make sure to mention your husband will not allow you to do any work on your house. Joke about how hopefully he gets a raise so you can renovate. Embarrass him.

4. When he says it’s not about the money insist that it is and you didn’t realize you’re so destitute. This is when you bring up a second job, new job, selling belongings etc to get a new kitchen.

5. Stop using the kitchen. Don’t cook. Don’t buy groceries. Don’t entertain at your house.

Unfortunately I suspect you don’t have a job and don’t have any power.

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