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[quote=Anonymous]OP just wanted to say I get it and I'm sorry. I grew up with narcissistic parents as well. My father died a few years back and I was able to forgive him post-mortem-he was mentally ill (untreated bipolar disorder with minimal insight into all of the pain he caused) and just a sad individual in general. He died in alone and in poverty (this was a man with a master's degree who grew up upper middle class). When he died and I no longer felt obligated to continue a relationship with him I was finally able to forgive.

My mother is not mentally ill and has always functioned very well on a surface level. But she is very self centered, critical, miserly and not supportive. I am a disappointment to her even though I'm educated, have a solid middle class profession, a kind husband and a good middle class life. I don't have kids. My sister and her husband are more professionally and financially successful and they have children so I'm the "loser" in the family. My sister acknowledges my mother's narcissism but it doesn't cut as deeply for her because she was the favorite. Plus my mother is objectively a good grandparent.

I feel like garbage every time I see my mother in spite of years of therapy. I limit my time with her as cutting her off would cause a rift with my sister and my nieces. But being around her is painful. I have tried so many strategies (being direct with her, ignoring, etc) and nothing changes. She is not going to change. I know she loves me in her screwed up way but I am not someone she can brag about like she can my sister. Plus her needs and desires have always come first. While my sister and I always had a our physical needs met we were unsupervised and emotionally neglected-my mom (and my father) were checked out.

I do my best to work on my mental health on a daily basis but I struggle with depression and anxiety. It's a lifelong problem and honestly even if my parents were great I probably am someone who still would have issues. I'm 50 and the feelings of emptiness and worthlessness have never gone away. I have long time friends but I have trouble feeling really connected and comfortable with them-I'm always afraid that something I say or do will cause them to cut me off. But I continue to try and I hope someday I will get to a better place emotionally/mentally.

Anyway, I apologize for going on for so long OP. Please know that you are not alone and that I'm thinking of you today.

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