Reply to Husband’s female friend encroaching

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[quote=Anonymous]OP — you talk about “crossing a line” — as though this “line” is something universally known and understood.  It isn’t.  I think it helps to keep this in mind as you plan to address this with your husband, because it’s YOUR line, and you need to clearly communicate this, acknowledging that it’s YOURS rather than something engraved in stone that he somehow “crossed”.  I say this because it sounds like your husband and his friend have been very respectful of your marital relationship, and treating either of them as though they haven’t been respectful will likely lead to resentment.  So, as others have suggested, figure out what your personal “lines” are, and have a conversation with your husband to understand what his are. The ideal is to end up, if not on the same page, at least understanding your partner’s viewpoints and needs.

The issue here is your “taste” and the possibility of “losing it” — and it’s on you, not your husband or his friend — to sort that out for yourself.  What stands out to me is your question: Why doesn’t she “find someone else to ask?”  She’s asking a long-time, trusted, friend — which is really what people do.  When you talk to your married female friends, do you pause to ask yourself if you’re “crossing a line?”  If not, then ask why this is different for you.  You married someone capable of sustaining positive, long term relationships. Maybe ask yourself too, if this is something that attracts and sustains you, what else might change if your husband steps back from a long term trusted relationship solely to meet your needs.

Please note that you haven’t given enough details for me to impose my own standards on this — and that might get you a wider range of responses, as we each imagine what our own, often unspoken, “lines” might be.  
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