Reply to Do grandparents always favor the first born grandchild?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some do, I think who the parent is matters more. If there is a golden child, their kid will be the one that matters. [/quote]

This.  We have seen this play out to insane degrees in DH's family - which means that is the grandparent's tarnished legacy, if that is what the grandparent chooses. My family grew up quite close (literally and physically), and grandkids were treated equally. There was some favoritism of my sister for a few years growing up (by my mother) - but nothing compared to DH's family, with certain enmeshed and codependent family members - it adversely affects that person, socially and mentally, for life.

DH and I agree that we would not want to be the "favorite", because it just hurts the "favorited" one the most, in the long run. 
[/quote]

This is so true. You see it in both of our families, with my sister in my family and with DH's older brother in his. In both case, there was (and is) tons of enmeshment and terrible boundaries.

With my sister, it led to my parents becoming super overbearing and invasive regarding her family, but also feeling entitled to it because my parents had helped them so much over the years (like bough them a house, my dad employed my BIL for a decade, my mom provided free childcare to them for years, my parents paid for IVF for two of their kids, etc.). So my sister started to push back and wanted more space, but by then there were all these expectations and everyone was hurt, there was counseling and honestly things are still really messed up because these people never established normal boundaries.

With my BIL, he's so enmeshed with my MIL that they live together, BIL will never marry or have kids, and DH and I are just at the point where we are trying to mitigate issues with MIL's elder care and then later with BIL's elder care, since he basically never launched as an adult at has no other relationships. Goal is just to keep our kids from ever feeling obligated to take care of him.

It can be hard to be "not the favorite" when you are a kid or young adult and it feels like all the love and attention goes to the golden child. But watching it play out over decades, I think being neglected and ignored by my parents was one of the best things that could have happened. It sucks not to feel loved or cared for by your parents, but at least I'm free.[/quote]

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