Reply to Do grandparents always favor the first born grandchild?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes that is my hypothesis - they want to look out for the well-being of sil child. They already take him for long weekends and he just spent Thanksgiving week with them. They already get a lot of 1 on 1 time and will drive and pick him up. Mil made some comment on how she would love to do the same with our child but she won't be worried and can just be grandma.

it brought up conversations on us eventually moving near sil too. We very much do not want that. Not all for them but we don't want to live in their city/state. We also don't want the dynamic of living nearby and raising the kids together. We just have different priorities [/quote]

Then what is the problem?

It honestly does not sound as though you want to be super close to your ILs or have them super involved in raising your kid. By the way, there are downsides to this. My parents are much closer to my older sister's kids than any of the other grandchildren, but right now mom and sister are not even speaking because my sister feels like my mom oversteps a lot with the kids and they argue over what is best for them. Meanwhile I have a less close but more positive relationship with my parents, who never meddle in my parenting and DH and I make all the choices for our kids without input from any grandparents. I'd rather do it our way than my sister's way.

I also choose not to live super close to family because as a PP put it, family is so damn complicated and I find it easier to set healthy boundaries and have good relationships when we have a little bit of distance. Sounds like that might work better for you too.

Also never discount the way that pregnancy hormones can make you more sensitive to stuff like this. It's a biological imperative -- you are sacrificing your body to bring a human into the world, and your hormones are aggressively encouraging you to do everything in your power to protect that human. Even telling you that it might be a problem if your ILs move closer to your SIL to help with your niece/nephew, something that probably doesn't even matter in the long run but your hormonal brain is telling you is a big problem and making you feel competitive for resources with your SIL. I know some people don't like this phrase, but: it's baby brain.[/quote]

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