Reply to 82-year-old mom refuses to plan, share info, discuss

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your mom's situation is entirely hers. It is not problem unless you make it your problem. You have made your position known, now focus on yourself and your family. I cannot understand how any of this would possibly affect your children. You are not responsible for your mother's bills, regardless of what happens to her. You have to let her live with the consequences of the choices she makes. If she wishes to risk falling down the stairs at her own home, she may do that. For many, myself included, I would far rather die from falling down the stairs at the age of 82 then die a slow, lonely death in an old folks home. [/quote]

You are beyond clueless. [/quote]

No, I am 100% completely clued in. I have been there, done it. And am educated in elder care. It's people like you who treat elders like infants and believe they should be locked away, just so you don't have to "worry," while simultaneously playing the martyr. It's just not that hard. I have a recommendation for you and others here: https://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/[/quote]

It’s a nice idea that people will just live alone until they fall down the stairs and die, but OP is right to assume that it will probably be far, far more slow motion than that. It’s more likely that they’ll just slowly torture themselves and their adult children with a series of broken bones, poorly managed incontinence, hoarding/rodents/general chaos. Maybe some financial scams and/or abusive caregivers along the way. [/quote]

I think op is understandably concerned, but I think she’s going about things the wrong way.  She’d be better off expressing concern for her mom and exploring housing options that would improve her mom’s every day life than trying to guilt the mom into signing over her POA out of some loosely connected concern for the grandchildren’s healthcare.

Op should be having more reality-based thinking and conversations with her mom that are focused directly on her mom’s needs.   [/quote]

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