Reply to 82-year-old mom refuses to plan, share info, discuss

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been there. This WILL affect you whether you like it or not. We have been through this nightmare and no matter how unpleasant it is to confront your mom, it is better than letting things get to the point where you have to step in and rescue her. People posting here do not understand how medicare works. it will not cover long term care facility should she need nursing home care. Do you have the time and resources to care for her in your own home? If not then be aware that nursing homes cost around 10K per month. Long term care medicaid (different from regular medicaid) is notoriously hard to get on, and there are endless waiting lists that can only be bypassed in an emergency situation, such as a hospitalization. Moreover, unless you have access to her accounts and power of attorney, you it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to even fill out an application.

At the very least, you must force the issue of a power of attorney. If she refuses to deal with the specifics now, at least you would be able to step in and take over for her should the need arise. It is 100% worth the money to hire an elder care attorney to draft an appropriate power of attorney document and have her sign it. You do all the arranging yourself in order to save yourself the bigger headache later. She is probably too overwhelmed to do anything like this for herself. Be as naggy and proactive as you need to in order to get this done. Do not urge her to do it because she is probably not psychologically capable of it. This is such a common problem with the elderly, so don't expect so much initiative from her. [/quote]

The “emergency situation” hospitalization is what will happen anyway. You have to get to a situation where they won’t discharge her back to her condo. Probably a fall or pneumonia. [/quote]

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