Reply to Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This sounds like a made-up story, but the BIL and new wife sound awful.

These two adults should never have gotten married 9 months after the death of this teen's mother. Adolescence is a difficult time in itself, let alone if you lose a parent, and let alone if your parent remarried shortly after. The wife should understand that this is not something a young person can just bounce back from. The BIL owes his daughter a huge apology. Your niece needs therapy and a safe place free from people who will seek to set her up with her father and stepmother.

If you are not a troll, please support your niece. She will take years, YEARS, to come back from this.

[/quote]

This is a true story, I am not a troll. I've been dealing with this for several years now. My niece was in therapy, it helped to some degree. Until the remarriage, they had a good relationship. I cannot entirely blame the stepmom. She really did try to give her space. She encouraged BIL to spend more time with the girl. She stayed back when my niece said "I don't want you at my graduation". But I guess she reached her breaking point.  [/quote]

The space she should have given is not marry and move in with her dad within 9 months - which means that they were dating a few weeks? after her mom died. She did "stay back" during her graduation - she wasn't invited and wasn't entitled to be there.

As for you "dealing with this for years" - you can disengage from being the middle man. Stop being the go between and tell your BIL that you will no longer play that role. Continue to love your niece and support her decisions because it doesn't seem like she has a lot of that in her "family".[/quote]

This. Moving into someone's house is not giving them space! Come on.

Stepmom is a terrible person and a terrible parent, and the teen years with her own kids are going to be hellish. I think your niece is right to distance herself. [/quote]

Exactly! And oh btw, while you're grieving please get to know your new brother and sister! What an incredibly selfish and hurtful thing to do to your child. I can't even fathom why OP is still in contact with BIL at all. Sounds like OP has gotten cozy with new wife and thinks that everyone should now just move on after "dealing with it for years" but OP literally has no reason to communicate with BIL or new wife if she didn't want to.[/quote]

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