Reply to Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This sounds like a made-up story, but the BIL and new wife sound awful.

These two adults should never have gotten married 9 months after the death of this teen's mother. Adolescence is a difficult time in itself, let alone if you lose a parent, and let alone if your parent remarried shortly after. The wife should understand that this is not something a young person can just bounce back from. The BIL owes his daughter a huge apology. Your niece needs therapy and a safe place free from people who will seek to set her up with her father and stepmother.

If you are not a troll, please support your niece. She will take years, YEARS, to come back from this.

[/quote]

This is a true story, I am not a troll. I've been dealing with this for several years now. My niece was in therapy, it helped to some degree. Until the remarriage, they had a good relationship. I cannot entirely blame the stepmom. She really did try to give her space. She encouraged BIL to spend more time with the girl. She stayed back when my niece said "I don't want you at my graduation". But I guess she reached her breaking point.  [/quote]

You are using words that affirm the wife's point of view. No, she shouldn't have a breaking point. What's she breaking about? Having a heart? Is that such a burden for her? Ridiculous. She's not the one who lost her mother during a pandemic then had a new family suddenly take her surviving parent's attention. What these adults did to your niece is awful, and it would be a relief to hear you write this down on this thread, because right now you don't seem like you fully understand the trauma she's been through.

The wife's mindset should be: however long it takes, my step-daughter is welcome in her father's house. If she wishes, I will treat her like my own child. If she pushes me away and wants time with her father without me and my kids, I will facilitate that. My goal is to help her get over her grief.

You have to tell your BIL and wife that they are out of line trying to put a timeline to grief. It doesn't work like that. They are the mature ones. They are supposed to be accommodating her, not the other way around.

[/quote]

You're onto something. I think OP is the stepmother writing from the aunt's POV. Notice how much insight she has into the stepmother's thoughts even though that's the person she knows least well.

Ouch. She's not exactly getting the reaction she wanted. [/quote]

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