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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My four year old only sees her cousin (also 4) during the holidays and other family events but their interactions are unpleasant. The cousin will take her things and my younger child's things without asking, not share, etc. My daughter is praised by grandparents for sharing with her cousin and my SIL/BIL do not intervene and SIL laughs off her daughter’s behavior saying “she’s a diva” while praising my children for being well mannered. My older daughter just said at Thanksgiving she doesn’t want to play with her cousin. My MIL has hinted at a ASD diagnosis and said my niece doesn’t play with other children outside of preschool. What do I say to my daughter? How do I stand up for my children if their cousin starts taking their belongings? I would expect my SIL/BIL to say something but they just laugh I guess because they think it’s cute?[/quote]

You seem upset. Is your daughter upset? Or do you just think it's unfair that the bad girl doesn't get punished, and it's not enough that everyone  over 4 years respects your daughter's (generation-skipping?) well-mannered graciousness? [/quote]

My daughter said she doesn’t want to play with her cousin at Thanksgiving and we left Easter before dinner because my daughter was crying and begging us to leave. I’m stressed about navigating another holiday like this, sad for my four year old because she sees her friends’ with their cousins and their relationships are sweet, and also dreading navigating this with my other child who is now very aware of sharing and yours vs mine in a way that she wasn’t last year. It’s also not about punishing (where did I say punish btw - weird that’s how you’d approach it) it’s about teaching pro-social behavior and correcting anti-social behavior instead of reinforcing anti-social behavior. How do you not get that as a parent? And intervening with my BIL/SIL/MIL feels like picking a fight with my in laws based on how I was raised. I’m going to intervene if the same type of thing happens again. That said, I’m praying my niece will have matured and this won’t be an issue or that my in laws will have realized in the interim their daughter’s behavior is not serving her socially. We drive six hours for holidays so it’s not like we can jump in the car turn and go home. So yes, I’m just dreading it. [/quote]

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