Reply to I wouldn't be upset if DH cheated

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[quote=Anonymous]Ok thanks for clarifying. Well I don't know that you necessarily need to figure out if you'd care or not unless you want to officially have a "random sex is ok" policy. If you don't want to be open about it, then he'll either cheat on you or not and you'll find out then how you'd care.

But for te sake of discussion, I'm the one whose husband had a one night stand on a business trip. I was devastated. We're still together a year later though. I personally didn't consider it a divorce able offense, combining what happened with how totally remorseful he was and how much better of a husband he has been since. So I'm with you on just sex not always being a huge deal. In fact, I'd be open to have approved sex outside of the marriage. I wouldn't be in love with the idea, but I wouldn't take it personally if it was just fun sex.

So why was it so devastating?  Well we were in a bad time in our marriage and he was being a shitty husband for a couple of years when it happened. So I was already not thrilled with him. Mostly it was because we were in a monogamous relationship - if he had asked or if we had talked about it, I could have discussed it. But he cheated. He lied about it briefly (although he told me as soon as he got back from the trip). He didn't use a condom, so he could have gotten STDs or made her pregnant. She was also a sort of friend of hers, so that was pretty painful too.

He knew that it would devastate me and possibly blow up our marriage and he chose to do it anyway. That's the worst part. At that moment, having sex was more important than anything we'd built together. THAT was what was so upsetting - not the sex itself necessarily. [/quote]

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