Reply to Did disagreement over elder care cause a permanent rift among your siblings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Money is splitting my husband’s hitherto tight-knit family. Money related to eldercare and inheritance.

It’s always money.
[/quote]

I agree money is huge, but it's not just that sometimes. Other contributors:
*Lack of appreciation from siblings and/or parent or downplaying and dismissing what they do. One of my siblings was so condescending about it all and thought she was doing her part buying me a manicure. I have a job and can buy my own manicure or sending me some junk from TJ Maxx. I can afford my own junk and I don't do manicures. What I want is for you to simply try to listen when I tell you what is going on and do not minimize behavior which did indeed turn out to be dementia-and not early stage. Do not dismiss all the times I was there for the parent as no big deal and talk to me like I am your servant.
*Not defending the one who does all the work when parent complains about that sibling
*Not understanding that the siblings who live the farthest away see mom/dad on BEST behavior and are coddled. The experience of the sibling actually there for them is far different and we are usually the ones who see concerning behavior first and get treated the worst.
*Entitlement-One of my siblings expected to be treated like a queen when she visited. She already got Golden Child treatment from parent, but she wanted me doing things for her. We are not close and I am not the free help
*Calling and giving orders/being a back seat driver.
*Trying to make me bad cop. I already shared my concerns with parents. If you have concerns, share them directly. I am not going to take a verbal beating for you. I've gotten plenty.

After enough years of this a sibling relationship that barely existed in the first place is over. There were no childhood memories of kindness or good times together so I knew it was not going to go well, but I thought if I kept taking the high road we could keep things tolerable.  I did not know how entitled, greedy and conniving said sibling would become as our remaining parent declined. I still wish her well, but she adds nothing to my life but stress, drama and disappointment. [/quote]

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