Reply to Tell me about your experience if you divorced while both kids were in HS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- I'd love anyone who *did* divorce in the HS years to weigh in. The thread kind of veered off into things about custody- I'm fully assuming he'll get 50%, and that's not really my question. Appreciate the responses. To the poster who is divorced who says to wait, can you explain why? I'm interested. TIA![/quote]

I said wait. I wasn’t him emotionally abusive marriage also and financially abusive and divorce when my kids were five and eight. Here is the thing: when they were kids involved it does not give you the freedom that you think it will. If there’s 50-50 custody, you were going to be up ending your kids life with the going back-and-forth when they were in high school which I believe is the worst time to do it. If you would have stayed this long, surely you can stay a few more years and not have to deal with the kids going back-and-forth and if you think it’s going to be easier just because you’re not married I’ll tell you to think again because honestly been divorced, is actually harder than being married in certain situations. [b]When I was married and living in the same house, I could ignore him every single day. I just didn’t talk to him, and I was in a separate part of the house. Now? He blows up my phone 100 times a day calls me all the time and I can’t get rid of him. It’s all in the name of the kids, but I believe that with certain people they just want to make your life more difficult and not leave you alone.[/b] Putting your kids through this in high school and they’re almost grown up to me is a terrible idea and if you wait until they go to college, you will not have to deal with him and you can truly have a clean slate. I’ve been divorced for years now and it’s not better. [/quote]

This is my situation. We tried a separation. It was hell, he harassed me over text, email, and the parenting app that was supposed to limit communication to practicalities and logistics. There are obviously mental health issues. But now we are back in the house and it’s so much better from the standpoint of communication.

We have a schedule to minimize overlap. I cut out text and email. We have therapy once a week, so when he rants at me his pathologies are noted by a third party and he is told to stop. This actually has cut down on the harassment by at least 75%. We only communicate on the parenting app and he knows it can be used in family court, so if he behaves badly that is his choice.

One household where you can manage what happens to the kids (because he won’t really care enough to put in the time unless he is trying to buy their love for his own selfish needs) is really key IME. Everyone’s marriage is different. But if you are involved with someone who has mental health issues and you have kids, divorce may or may not solve the issue of having to deal with them.[/quote]

OP here, I appreciate this perspective very much. It's like, I know how to manage him now, but when he senses things are off, he ratchets up in terms of spinning, yelling, OCD behavior. Would be a devil I don't know to move to two households. [/quote]

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