Reply to How can we avoid getting 'left behind' as the surviving spouse if dementia sets in?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where did all your money go if you don't have children?[/quote]

We have savings and investments. We also own a small house we rent out, and we have another property we use for vacations.

I know we could sell, but still ... 
I know how much MIL pays monthly for her private and live-in aides and it's eye wateringly expensive. 
DH and his siblings want her to age in place and die at home.[/quote]

Sounds like you are very comfortable so screaming poverty is strange.  The biggest issue is who will manage your care.[/quote]

OP here. I know we are comfortable but even so, I get worried about running out of money when we're old and in need of care.

Everything has gotten so expensive because of inflation.

MIL pays between 12k and 13k per month for private aides including live-in.

And then there's the cost of renovation work to adapt her bathrooms, a stairlift, etc.

Yes, who will manage our care is the biggest issue for the remaining spouse, whether it's him or me - without being taken advantage of.

Childfree elderly living on their own, especially if they have dementia, are very vulnerable.[/quote]

It is no better with kids sometimes. I have a sibling who barely visited until dad started declining. Now she visits often and has for years. She has tapped into the money well convincing mom to pay for a variety of expenses and convinced her I am the crazy one for being concerned about cognitive health. Let me tell you when you are raising your own kids and have your own serious health issue, you don't have the time and energy to take legal action against relatives who are showering mom with attention to profit. My mother is paranoid and is convinced that I am the bad one. I am not taking handouts from her,but I am the evil one. After years of bat shit crazy behavior, I have not an ounce of reserve for anyone else but the family I created.

So believe me family could easily take advantage. Those stories are a dime a dozen. Be grateful you have money. You can hire a team-accountant/social worker/lawyer and have a checks and balances system.

I have kids and know the reality is my husband and I have to plan the best we can and just pray we die peacefully long before dementia sets in. [/quote]

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