Reply to SAHM: how much does spouse have to earn to make it work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Enough to pay your specific bills is a factor. Job stability is also a factor. Retirement savings is also a factor.

I personally think it's not a good reason to quit just to avoid it being a bit awkward at work (in your words, "I feel bad at my job… and I can’t take this feeling."). You're essentially firing yourself because you can't take the hit to your pride/ego.

I had my firstborn in professional school. I had plenty of awkward moments and people questioning if a mom could even do the job, especially in those "grind" years. But I swallowed my pride and prioritized our financial health over my feelings.

In other words, if quitting is in the best interest of your kid and family, go for it. But if it's just your identity as a high achiever? Get over yourself. [/quote]

Totally agree with everything here. Also the first year with your first is really hard and being a working mom in general is hard but you are not incompetent or lazy - you are going through a lot of transitions and you can likely manage through them. I have three kids and zero family help but a great nanny. My husband and I both work full time and I am so glad I didn’t quit after my first. From a salary standpoint I went from $94K when I had my first in 2019 to $285K when I had my third in 2023. And I just turned 36 — I have a lot of time left in my career. If I quit those gains in my earnings would be unrealized forever not to mention the years of missed 401K contributions.

There is also the satisfaction that I get from work that makes me a happy person and better parent. I often feel like I’m dropping the ball in my home life and at work but that is pretty universal. There are plenty of SAHMs in my kids’ PK and preschool classes that forget things or mess up. Everything won’t magically get easier as a SAHM. And most people at work have things that come up in their personal lives that will interfere with work. Unless you’re a surgeon or in the c suite people will cut you slack if you need to lean out as you go through big transitions. Just be communicative and self aware.

To answer your q- I wouldn’t consider being a SAHM unless my husband made over a million (current HHI is around $800K, so he would need to double his salary). And even then I’m not sure I would want to do it. I would probably just outsource more. [/quote]

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