Reply to Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP.

If you went through with this, how would DH react if he found out?

Is there a way you could train him, or condition him, to be more open to you doing this, without outright saying it?  Maybe, over time, you could make him see it more your way, and at least be open to a “don’t ask don’t tell” situation? [/quote]

That’s an interesting idea, thank you.  I think something blunt like “how about an open marriage” would be too scary and get rejected - that’s actually one talk we have never had.  But maybe easing into it.  I would (clearly) be OK with a DADT, although as another recent thread notes, you run the risk of one of the 4+ participants getting too emotionally involved. [/quote]

Sorry and to your first question - he’d be terribly sad and hurt, hence why I’m trying to think through all the angles.[/quote]

Maybe there are lots of angles, but two things seem clear to me. 
1. It’s cognitive dissonance to think you can do something you know would hurt your husband and yet do it anyway, repeatedly and intentionally - especially something that is pulse-quickening for you. I don’t recommend trying to hold this in your head and your heart. 
2. Other posters have mentioned trying to work through this or mediate or something. Seems like good advice. The critical thing is that to get what you want, you’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone and confront this *with* your DH. If you’re so committed to him and he’s so committed to you, you’ll work through it. Yes, it will make him sad. But if he loves you and you’re happy that will help. Just make it clear that it’s not about finding love or an emotional connection somewhere else. You’ll always come back to him. [/quote]

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