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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At least in a DADT marriage, it's pretty simple. Be discrete. Don't do anything that would compromise that discretion. Use protection. Never talk about it. I could even see it sort of helping to revive a marriage by adding some mystery and competition and just making the individual partners feel wanted and sexy again, which is the stuff it's hard to access after years of monogamy and kids. But without all the logistical annoyances of open marriage because the assumption is that any affairs must fit around the marriage without disturbing it. So there are no "arrangements." Figure out how to make your affairs happen on your lunch our or at "the gym" or during work travel, but no we are not sitting down as a couple to figure out how to arrange childcare so that you can do a couples weekend with your girlfriend, FFS.

I saw the "DADT marriage" play out with one of my wife's BBFs. The DW wanted to have a relationship with a man she worked with and did not want a divorce (her AP was married, and he was not looking to get divorced either.)

She talked her DH into it and here is the timeline:

Month 1-6: DW was on Cloud Nine, having a great time with her AP. Her DH was stuck minding the kids, often doing so alone since the DW and the AP were able to travel together. The DH tried to find his own AP(s), but finding someone who wanted in on this type of arrangement was hard. The DH joined a running class at his gym since he had extra time.
Month 6-12: DW was still doing fine with her AP; however, the AP did not have a DADT agreement with his wife, and the wife started asking questions. The DH got in better shape and even set up a little mojo-dojo-casa house (an apartment in downtown DC) so he could have a place (other than his house) for his OLD profile. Still, he did not have much luck.
Month 12-18: The DW's AP broke up with her because his wife started to get wise to the situation. The DH changed his OLD profile to indicate he was separated and soon to be divorced. His love life picked up, and he became the one going out of town. The DW pointed out that he was breaking their agreement by imitating that he was seeking a new DW. However, once started, he had no interest in stopping and told her he had much better luck when women thought he was available for a relationship.

They were well off, but not well enough to support his single lifestyle and their married lifestyle. They started fighting more and more about the money and it ended their marriage.

[/quote]

That's not DADT. That's an open marriage. They had a spoken agreement.

DADT is when one or both partners cheat but no one tells anyone else and they pretend they are still monogamous.[/quote]

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