Reply to Feel horrified by how close I came to suicide when I have young kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in that depression.   You need to tell your therapist so that 1. They can better help you with and 2. Help you with your feelings of shame and guilt.

Think about it this way, if your kids, DH, or best friend got very ill, how would you treat them?  With care and kindness and patience,  right?  Well,  you deserve the same treatment from yourself.  Depression is a serious condition and you're coming out of it.  Treat yourself with compassion.

It takes some time and a bit of work to get to a better place,  OP.  Please be patient with yourself ❤️‍🩹🫂[/quote]

+1 please tell your therapist op, and hopefully eventually your husband. This isn’t your fault, the brain plays tricks on you when you are deeply depressed but it’s really important to be honest so you have some plans in place if it happens again. As you saw, it’s hard to protect yourself in those situations because your brain is not thinking rationally so you really need people in your corner who are aware and can try to protect you as much as possible.

The people closest to you need to know at a bare minimum that they should be asking the question and checking in regularly. Sometimes just being asked can open an escape valve of finally being able to tell. My husband had very serious suicidal ideations when we were young and because I know how impulsive suicide can be and how damn tricky our brains can be, if he shows any signs of depression, feeling worthless, I know to ask him directly if he’s having thoughts of suicide or self harm. It is something we’ve discussed together and have as part of our safety plan since we know his brain can go there in times of desperation. Usually it hasn’t been an issue this last decade, but asking the question and having this be an open part of our relationship allowed him to tell me early on when some thoughts creeped in a couple years ago. He was able to get support earlier as a result.

Create the safe space with your spouse if you can, you may need it and you deserve it. And your kids deserve it to. This is not your fault. Put what you need to in place to keep yourself safe when your brain starts working against you. I’m so so glad you’re still here. [/quote]

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