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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I did share with DH and my therapist and psychiatrist that I was having suicidal thoughts. I didn’t share about the planning part because I worried they’d put me in the hospital.[/quote]

Please don't keep this info from your therapist.  If you need the hospital, then let it happen.  Staying with your kids while that depressed represents a danger to the kids.  I'm not trying to be mean here, but when you're in a very depressed state, you tell yourself a lot of stuff that isn't quite accurate.  Its hard to think clearly about yourself, so telling others and [b]letting them help you[/b] is the best.  I know this seems impossible, but let them take care of you.  Just like you'd take care of them.

And, yes, it's scary to admit to this stuff, but the world won't dissolve into complete chaos.  Therapy can help you work through the shame/guilt/fear cycle and understand that getting depressed -- just like getting a cold, covid, or any disease -- is not your fault and not a fail on your part.

Best wishes, OP.    [/quote]

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