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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think #2 is being a selfish, self-centered, naive, oblivious little baby. Yes he worked hard, great, but there are a LOT of factors in addition. He didn't earn his natural endowment of talent, it's happenstance that he didn't get an injury or illness that sidelined him, it's happenstance that he had a good team to play on and good coaches. It's happenstance that he had a good day in his sport the day the scout was visiting, or whatever-- athletic scholarships can be pretty arbitrary across similarly situated kids. Your son had a lot of good luck and support from others and you need to open his eyes to that. And YES, definitely claw back all of the money you invested in his sport, with the value of money over time.

No way would I give a young adult $350K for any reason at all. And especially someone who's showing such a lack of maturity. If he's fool enough to throw away a sibling relationship over this, the best gift you could give him is a big fat reality check.[/quote]

OP here and it is somewhat complicated.  We spent around 20k per year for DS #1 piano and violin activities such as lessons, competitions and cost of travel.  We spent about 25k per year for DS #2 with his sports activities.  DS #1 also has an 80K Steinway piano and 20K violin.  You can say that DS #1 had it better than DS #2.  As a dad, I am comfortable in giving DS #2 his share of the money 350K, probably more by the time he graduates from investment, because he receives the athletic scholarship for his hard work.  Unfortunately, DW doesn't think the same way and it is causing a rift between mother and son.  DS #1 does not have any issues with DS #2 getting that money.  Our family is very transparent about finances.

Btw, I do understand that getting an academic scholarship, even without room and board, is extremely hard; however, getting an athletic scholarship with free tuition, room/board, and stipend, is even harder, right?  There are not many of them available.[/quote]

Okay, so if you do time value of money on that $5K annual gap, that should really cut into the $350K.

The violin and piano are assets that hold value, it's not like you just spent that money on lessons and it'll never be recouped.

I do not think getting an athletic scholarship is necessarily harder than academic. And if you're talking about "reward for hard work", you need to take into account that there are lots of extrinsic factors, and that what matters is whether getting the scholarship was harder *for each specific child*, not in general.

Honestly you sound conflict-avoidant and like you want to give him the money just to make the fighting go away. And your DS#2 sounds like a selfish, entitled person who is foolish enough to let his feelings of entitlement to his parents' money come between him and his family. I would definitely not reward his behavior. And I do not think it's a good idea to give a young adult that much money at all, ever, period. [/quote]

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